To my fellow recovering codependents. You’re not alone. ❤️
The path from codependent to confident is a wild growth journey. It’s beautiful and hard and all kinds of WTF along the way.
For many of us it requires a level of healing we’re unprepared for. We get catapulted into our journey and are faced with the choice of sinking or swimming. Sinking feels like a good option when you’re in it. At least it did for me 14 years ago.
I chose to swim back then because of my children (ages 8 and 5 at the time). It’s easy to see now that I took action to start healing for them while I was unable to do so for myself for so long.
The thing about pain is it’s comfortable, even in the discomfort. Change is painful too and it is so out of our comfort zone we’d rather stick with what we know… that is…
until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change. When that happens, we move.
The dance between shame & hope
Your path to recovery can be lonely and riddled with shame. You don’t reach out for help because it’s too painful to allow others to truly see you. You can’t even bear to see who you’ve become.
But then there are glimpses of hope while you strive for the transformation you’ve seen others accomplish. You have a flicker of belief that maybe you’ll be okay.
And then there are heart wrenching set backs as you learn your self-sabotage patterns are deeply rooted and require more than self help books to overcome the years of dysfunctional programming your brain has acquired. You may have a lot of work to do to get you into that place of true belief in self.
The holidays hit and you get triggered in ways you didn’t imagine. You’ve gotten so good at wearing a mask to cover your pain that you show up to all the things with a smile on your face and a hole in your heart.
It’s all worth it in the end
This journey is not easy but trust me when I tell you it IS worth it. You are worth it. And it won’t always be so hard.
After a while you’ll start to forget how painful it all was. You will begin to blossom in new ways and try new things. The person you are inside will start to take risks and begin to step out in the world and be seen, maybe for the first time ever.
You’ll get triggered, occasionally, but you won’t stay in that dark place like you did before.
You’ll recognize instantly when others are hurting from the same kind of pain and that will both make you happy for your own recovery and emotional for where you see they are and where you once were.
Eventually, you’ll find your way to more sunshine, more happiness, more laughs, more self-love and more personal freedom. Trust me, it’s there and you will find it.
If you’re on the winding path, feeling the ups and downs of this journey please know this:
You’re not crazy.
You are more than worthy.
You have what it takes.
Keep swimming, friends. Let that flicker of hope and light you feel keep shining on you.
One day you’ll look back at all the work you did to overcome what could have been a life long sentence of heart ache and you’ll realize how powerful, confident and courageous you’ve become.
Keep your sights on that vision of who you are, because truly it’s who you’ve always been. ❤️